There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
