Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
