Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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