Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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