i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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