You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
