Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
