Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
