Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
