just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i barfeds in our rink
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize