Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
