And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
