At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
this is an emotional support booty call
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize