just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
