i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Alive.
So much puke
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
