True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
