no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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