Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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