I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
