i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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