need another drink. this is the easiest way
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
