i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
