worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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