And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize