The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
