I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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