I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
