Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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