Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
