Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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