Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
