Dude my mom stole all your condoms
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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