I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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