I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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