My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
