As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
