so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
