For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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