Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
