1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
