I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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