There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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