Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
