i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
