apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
