He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
