Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
