I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
