Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
