Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize