My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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