she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
