Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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