This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize