I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize