so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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