You can't motorboat a personality
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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