Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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