that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize