Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
