Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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