please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
