is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
