Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
