Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
