Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
