we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
