my soul wont recognize me after tonight
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
