As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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