I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
