someone get that fucking seahorse.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize