I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
