just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was confusing and full of hummus
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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