he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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