My cat gives me a boner
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He did a backflip because drugs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize