I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
