Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
