Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
